The magic of Spirit is that we are not bound by the limits of a human body. When it is time, we get the thrill of spreading our wings wide so we may fly! Taking flight as breath, being one with Spirit.
I have a special smile reserved for my mom whenever I think of her. I know now more than ever just how much I loved her for being exactly who she was and the lessons I learned through my relationship with her, some harder than others. You see she had an amazing gift when she was alive; she called it “mother’s intuition” because she knew just by looking at a woman that she was pregnant and the sex of the baby usually before it was ever confirmed by the woman. She did not fully acknowledge what she did was a gift. My mom was born in 1936 and grew up Catholic. She knew I was different and encouraged me to be like everyone else to protect me from the criticism of others. I had my own ideas of what my future held for me, and she had hers. The path I walk today was not a path she envisioned for me. We were often at odds for years even though we loved each other dearly. Those were the most challenging lessons.
I wished we had more time to spend together in this lifetime. However, she died of breast cancer at the early age of 54. I recall when she first found the lump in her breast six months before ever having it checked out by a doctor. This discovery was during a very stressful time in her life so she reasoned that she did not have time to pay attention to it. Her younger brother had just passed away from cancer and she felt her duty was to take care of others; her family, her grandchildren and everyone else but herself. Even knowing that my family has a history of cancer, my mother would say the lump was probably from stress, or soap or something of that nature likely to spare us from any worry. This was her way of letting us know that she would take care of it . . . later. When she finally went to the doctor her worst fears were confirmed.
After the diagnosis, the next four years went by fast. First surgery to remove the breast and lymph nodes, rounds of chemotherapy, then physical therapy. Having seen into her future, we re-connected during this time and started cherishing the time we had left together. We focused on the positive, finding the good in each other, and realized that each one of us had our own journey. She lost her battle after four years when the cancer metastasized to her bones.
Our time together was so brief that even today it still seems silly that we even argued over matters that at the time seemed so significant. At first, I mourned her passing feeling that I could have loved her better just the way she was back then asking for no more. Spirit has opened my heart so that I could fully understand this dynamic love between us through my work and beliefs. I felt that I needed to forgive myself and my mother so that there were no more unresolved conversations left between us. The appreciation and gratitude I have for her now is overflowing because even with our past disagreements I truly would not change any part of my life. Every minute of her time with me was a gift to me because it helped me define the person I am today. She helped me to treasure my independence and gave me courage to live my life the way I am meant to.
As with all mothers and daughters, we had our disagreements that at times seemed insurmountable. Today, I know how proud she is of my achievements and my work with Spirit. My relationship with my mom became her greatest gift to me as it helped me align with my life’s journey and my choice to live my life in service by helping people connect in the way they desire with Spirit. I miss my Mother’s presence on earth and I have come to respect her life exactly as she lived it.
I was taught as a girl
my job was to take care of others
Marry and have children
be a good housewife and Mother
always give to others
My Mom always went without
this was after all what Mothers
are suppose to do
She would smile and go on
against all odd
no matter what
Breast Cancer took her life
at the young age of 54
I miss you Mom
You have taught me well
for I have learned that in order
to give to others
I am to honor myself first
Take care of myself first
which then allows me to give more of
myself to others
Maybe this way I have a chance
You are always in my heart
I Miss and Love you Mom….